CoCo's Corner

I do not know what is wrong with me.  Hopefully, it's just because it's January and I absolutely hate January.  To me, January is the very worst month; it's cold and it's gray and there is just nothing good about it.  But, to say the least, I am ornery and mean and cranky and just plain hard to get along with. I feel it in my work hours, in my home hours, in my errand hours, in every hour. I went to the grocery store - and these are the people I called idiots, under my breath, in the hour I was gone: the girl at the McDonalds drive-through.  I was the only one there in line, the only other person there was still at the board ordering.  "did you get the two apple juices?" - no, "did you get the two sausage McMuffins?" - no.  Blank stare.  I ordered the Diet Coke.  "oh - OK".  the dude that kept inching further and further backwards as he backed up to park.  He kept getting closer and closer to my car.  He would put it in ...

My mother is in the hospital.  I'm trying to maintain a semblance of normal.  She is completely whackadoodle - my  new word to describe what she is going through right now, completely out of her head in some aspects and completely cognizant in others.  She doesn't really know what is going on in her reality right now.  I go from laughing at the things she says to wanting to cry because I really don't know what is going on in her world.  Is it the end?  Is she close to the veil and that is why she is seeing and doing things that I don't understand?  Or is it that she is just out of her normal routine and it's thrown her 87-year-old brain into a tailspin?  I don't know. I'm totally exhausted.  My brain is fried right now.  I haven't bathed since Sunday, because I just can't find the time nor the energy.  I have spent hours and hours at the hospital.  I spent hours trying to maintain my own life.  I've not spent hours ...

Chaos:  noun - a situation where everything is confused and in a mess I am living in chaos right now. We are in the process of completely remodeling my living room.  I mean completely.  We have torn the fireplace out from the middle of one wall and are moving it to a corner.  That meant tearing walls out and then having to mud and patch where the holes and such were.  The tile that was in front of the old fireplace spot has been torn out.  The carpet in the one corner has been cut away.  There is a hole in my wall where the fireplace will vent to the outside.  There is dirt, dust, sheetrock gunk and general ick around everywhere.  Once the fireplace is done, painting will need to be done and the new flooring laid down.  Once that is done, then we can put in new furniture and decorate.  But, in the meantime, my living room looks like a hoarder's dream, little pathways between boxes and furniture.  Boxes of DVDs, knickknac...

You know that story about the family that locked themselves in the bathroom when the cat went crazy and started attacking them?  They called 911 to get help.  This is the story here:   crazy kitty!   Now, to my story: Sherlock is not 22 pounds, but he's a pretty big kitty cat.  He and I have never had a problem ever.  I went to watch my pretty Penny while her parents ran up to Ogden and back.  I had to go to the potty, so I put Penny in her play saucer and ran in the bathroom.  I kept all of the doors open on the way, so I could hear her.  First the dog Ozzy came in and wanted attention (while I sat there) and I rubbed his little ears and gave him a little pat.  Then Sherlock came in, I rubbed his head and petted him, he rubbed up against me.  Now, I always thought that was a sign of affection, I may be wrong.  I finished my business and washed my hands and walked out. The sound of the toilet flushing was still in the air...

I've been doing what I do for a very long time to make a living.  I've been at my job for 32 years.  I've loved my job for the most part every minute.  I have had down times, and very seldom have I felt that it was time to leave. That has changed over the last few weeks.  I've had a run of emotions during that time; anger, frustration, overlooked, out-of-the-loop.  There was no single thing that caused this, but an accumulation of things that have happened. I literally ran away from work this week - I took a week off on a moment's notice.  This is something I have never done before in my life - with the exception of funerals.  My plan was to never go back.  I was going to retire and just walk away from everything I knew.  Not that I was prepared for this, because I know I need another job.  But, I was planning to just go forward and if I had to work at Arctic Circle or Walmart I was prepared to do it.  I went so far to go to the...

I know there is a reason that you must do this once you turn fifty.  I know that it's for my own good.  I know there is a reason that, even though the idea of eating something disgustingly oatmeal, fried eggs, waffles, pancakes and show the world that they can't control my life like that, I just shouldn't/can't do that.  I know that the procedure really isn't that bad - - - - - - - - -  it's the prep. That day I have dreaded.  That day that I have abhorred the thought of.  That day that I just want to die.  That day is here. Tomorrow I have to have my colonoscopy.  I honestly am sick at the thought of facing this day.  Already, I have sat here and watched Ted make himself breakfast and died a little.  Actually, the part about not eating doesn't bother me so bad.  There is enough little things I can eat that will keep me going.  It's the idea about later. We live in a world that when I started living in it, black and white...

How do we deal with one more tragedy?  You hear of this and think about those families.  You think about those babies.  You think about life in general.  You start to compare and frighten at the possible parallels.  What if they were yours?   What if they were mine?  You can't imagine it, you can't even fathom it. What causes a young man, troubled by mental illness, troubled by life, to walk into a school and look into the eyes of innocence and take away the life behind those eyes?  What makes the evil take over?  We will never know.  We will never understand.  Sadly, it will happen again.  Sadly, we will have to wonder another day.  Sadly, we will never know the reasons. Sadness in my heart for those that will wake up tomorrow morning, Christmas morning, every morning and have to live with the senseless and evil act that stole the children.

Taking a break from Christmas to give a bit of a ramble and rant. The other day, my daughter made a post on Facebook about how my granddaughter was coloring and cutting.  Along with that, she was complaining that she was making everything fat.  The snowman was fat, Santa was fat, why was everything fat?  Then my daughter made a disparaging remark about herself after that.  "How do I tell her that she made me fat?".   She was joking, but, she wasn't.  This is how she sees herself and with that, she feels that she is a little less than perfect.   My granddaughter, only five, is already knowing that to be "fat" is to be a little less than perfect.  My daughter and society has given her this image.  I am sure I have had something to do with it, too.  I and society gave my daughter this vision.  We aren't perfect unless we are a size two and built like a super model - the ones whose pictures we see are air brushed and p...

The whole holiday season, from Halloween to Christmas, is my favorite time of year.   At Christmas time, I love Christmas lights.  I love to see everyone's lights up and how beautiful they all look. What a lovely thing - different colors, different kinds. My son and his bride spent a couple of hours on Thanksgiving putting up Christmas lights on my house.  I was so excited, it was our first step into Christmas.  They looked so pretty. Fast forward a week and a half.  The wind outside is horrible.  I've watched my lights kind of fall a bit.  Then fall a little more.  All the sudden we heard that whip and whir sound and we knew that they had come off more.  I went outside - half of them were dangling completely down.  I just pulled that set down.  But, the rest is now all screwed up.  When I tried to come back in the house, the wind was so freaking bad the door slammed into the side of my boob - and not tenderly. ...

So, I turned 50 back in February.  You already know that if you pay attention to this blog at all.  You also know, if you pay attention, that I am always battling my weight.  Well, put those two things together, along with some stress and I am a physical mess!!! First off, let me tell you if you are squeamish or weak of heart - I would suggest you not continue reading, because I am going to tell you some disgusting and personal stuff. Obviously at 50, you are of the age you are supposed to do the whole colonoscopy to make sure you don't have colon cancer.  Well, I have not scheduled that yet.  I usually do my annual physical around this time of year.  Being busy at work like I have been (vacation - - what is that??) I haven't been able to schedule my physical.  I will eventually get to it.  Really looking forward to that.  Yeah, I hope you can read sarcasm and such.  Yeah, I know, I have heard it all before.  It's not really t...

I was reading on Facebook today and there was this post by someone I work with about how horrible the working conditions are.  I agree, things have been horrible, I have stated it myself.  We are going through a lot of change - upheaval - and there is no end in sight.  We didn't ask for it - we didn't want to do it - but, guess what, things change and things happen and we have no control over it.  We have made our opinions known and whether or not they were taken into consideration, I don't know - all I know is, decisions were made and I have no choice but to do what my employer wants me to do. If I don't, I am guessing they won't want me working there anymore and would fire me - it's that simple - it's what happens in the real world.  We go to our place of employment to work for a "company".  The "company" has rules.  The "company" has policies.  The "company" has standard operating procedures.  I have no choice but t...

Life sucks right now.  Everything about it.  OK, not everything - but, it just feels like it right now, to the point I am taking for granted that things are not as bad as they seem.  Well, most things aren't.  But, the problem is, my perception that life sucks so bad is causing me to break down into tears pretty consistently.  I am not one that cries so much - other than at stupid commercials and such.  I hate to cry.  I won't go to a movie that I think will make me cry, because I hate to cry. Why does life suck so bad???  I hate my job.  I totally hate my job.  But, how can I hate a job that I love?  I absolutely have loved my career and now how can I just truly hate it??  There are a lot of factors that go into it; betrayal, ingratitude, non-trust, stupidity, the list can go on and on and on and on.  We are in a constant state of upheaval and nobody seems to care.  The people that do the job, the people that have ...

As I sit here, my beautiful blue lava lamp bubbling next to me, I ponder - what are my top five pet peeves?  I know of a couple right off the bat - but, I am going to have to think about the rest.  So - this one is pushing my brain a bit. 5 - This one is for my kids.  And mostly, it's because I have lacked in my instruction to you - as I have seen all three of my kids do this.  This pet peeve is about the incorrect usage of the words "your" and "you're".  Your is a possessional word like - it's mine, it's yours, it ours - something that belongs to someone; example - is that your doughnut (KayeLynn - hee hee  - I said doughtnut)?  You're is a contraction - as in you are.  It is connecting the two words; example - you're going to the store, correct?  Anyway, if people would use those two words correctly, I would be in a happier place in the world. 4 - I hate mean people.  I know that is rather cliche, but, I have been mad all day about...

I know it's a weird topic, but, something I have honestly thought about.  Here are a few things I think about when up in the middle of the night.  Oh, this and mountain lions!!!!  These are some of the things I hate about certain things that happens with my body: You know when you feel that urge to sneeze??  You start to breathe in, you stare off into the distance, you keep waiting and waiting, you breathe a little more (short and sweet, in and in - long and deep, in and in - all through the nose).  Waiting and waiting.   Then all the sudden, that need to sneeze subsides.  I hate that - I love a good sneeze. I'm not a light sneezer, I like to give out a huge body shuddering sneeze.  I think it really does release some demons - and I like to get rid of the biggest demons I have.  I hate those moments that you wait and try and the sneeze never comes. Speaking of sneezing.  On the whole other spectrum, I hate those sneezes that sneak u...

OK - My mind has been spinning. My life is a whirl. I don't know what side is up or which side is down. I have a lot on my mind. I can't enjoy much right now, because other thoughts start to crowd out any thing fun or funny that start to creep in. I am on the edge. I want to blame the wedding. And, to be honest, it's about all I think about and I cannot wait for March 14 to get here!! That is the day I go back to work and plan to start a normal life once again. We hosted a bridal shower last Saturday. I think it turned out quite fun. A lot of people showed up and Rustie got a lot of fun presents and gifts. I had some sadness that went a long with it, too. I thought a lot about Kara that weekend. I am so sad that she has chosen the life she has and is missing out on a lot of memories that she will never be able to get back. This bridal shower, her brother's wedding. I know that she has some people convinced that it was me that kicked her out of my life, b...