Bodily Functions

I know it's a weird topic, but, something I have honestly thought about.  Here are a few things I think about when up in the middle of the night.  Oh, this and mountain lions!!!!  These are some of the things I hate about certain things that happens with my body:

• You know when you feel that urge to sneeze??  You start to breathe in, you stare off into the distance, you keep waiting and waiting, you breathe a little more (short and sweet, in and in - long and deep, in and in - all through the nose).  Waiting and waiting.   Then all the sudden, that need to sneeze subsides.  I hate that - I love a good sneeze. I'm not a light sneezer, I like to give out a huge body shuddering sneeze.  I think it really does release some demons - and I like to get rid of the biggest demons I have.  I hate those moments that you wait and try and the sneeze never comes.
• Speaking of sneezing.  On the whole other spectrum, I hate those sneezes that sneak up on you.  Same earth shattering explosion of inner germs, but, they sneak up on you.  I am an older woman.  I have had children.  When I sneeze, I have to position myself in such a way (yes, I am talking about squeezing my thighs together) that I don't have sneeze ramifications.  So, if I don't have that chance to position myself and squeeze my thighs together, I will have the problem with peeing my pants.. Maybe just a little, but, it's still enough to make you go UGH!!
• Speaking of peeing.  You know what I hate?  I hate those times when you have to go to the bathroom and you may have waited a little bit too long to get there.  You know, you may have left thinking, "I can wait until I get home".  Then when you get home, you may go grab the mail or your shopping bags - something like that.  When you finally get to the bathroom, it's like your body knows where you are.  You are trying to get your pants undone so you can just take that moment to relax and relieve yourself.  Of course, it's at that time you start having difficulty undoing your pants and you are squeezing and dancing and jumping around, trying to get what you need to get done (or undone) and finally have that relief.
• Speaking of relief.  I just hate it when I get sick.  But, you aren't sick enough that you need to stay home from work,  you're just sick enough to be miserable.  It may be nausea.  It may be a stuffed up head or allergies.  It may be a cold.  Whatever it is, you just have to keep functioning, because you aren't deathly ill and need to be in bed and pampered or ignored.  Either make me sick so I can get over it or make me better.  Actually, just don't let me be sick at all - I don't like being sick.
• Speaking of being sick.  This isn't necessarily from being sick.  But, I  just hate it when you are eating something and your nose starts to run.  My mom says it's because she is allergic to food - whatever it is, I just hate it.  So you are trying to enjoy your food and your trying to keep from dealing with this other issue.  It's really difficult to enjoy your meal when you are dealing with post nasal drip!
• Speaking of enjoyment.  Don't you just hate it when you are enjoying a nice meal, good conversation, so on and so on.  Bite down on a piece of succulent food and you bite your inner cheek.  It hurts like the dickens.  That initial pain is easy enough to get over, but, then for some reason, that little piece of skin inside your cheek kind of swells up.  So now, you have to deal with biting it over and over again and that ensuing pain when you chomp down on it again.

Yes, these are the things that keep me up at night as I think about different things (and mountain lions!!).