Things That Make You Go HMMMMM - 16

Taking a break from Christmas to give a bit of a ramble and rant.

The other day, my daughter made a post on Facebook about how my granddaughter was coloring and cutting.  Along with that, she was complaining that she was making everything fat.  The snowman was fat, Santa was fat, why was everything fat?  Then my daughter made a disparaging remark about herself after that.  "How do I tell her that she made me fat?".  

She was joking, but, she wasn't.  This is how she sees herself and with that, she feels that she is a little less than perfect.   My granddaughter, only five, is already knowing that to be "fat" is to be a little less than perfect.  My daughter and society has given her this image.  I am sure I have had something to do with it, too.  I and society gave my daughter this vision.  We aren't perfect unless we are a size two and built like a super model - the ones whose pictures we see are air brushed and photoshopped to make them "PERFECT".

Myself, I hate looking in the mirror, especially naked.  I have burdened my soul with the fact that I am less than perfect.  I am a chubby woman.  My weight has gone up, down and back up again.  I lose weight and then, like most women, something stresses or frustrates or worries me and to deal with it, I eat.  I can smell something sweet from miles away and if I can't eat it , I feel deprived and all I want to do is eat it even more.  

About two weeks before Ted and I got married, I flashed him a little bit of some sexy undies I bought - and yes, I was in them.  His response was, "looks like you need to work out more".  Now, before Ted and I ever met, I had worked my ass off and was 50 pounds lighter than I am right now - I had worked very hard to lose that weight.  When Ted said that to me, I was completely devastated.  I was literally ready to call of the wedding because I didn't feel that I could be married to someone who saw me as something less than perfect.  I sat in a parking lot, on the phone, nearly hysterical in tears telling him that I didn't know if I could marry him.  You see, all women want from their men is to see them as something perfect, something beautiful.  We want to be on that pedestal always. They don't want the men in their lives to see them the way they see themselves.  As women, we know each and every bump, blemish, cellulite patch, pound and little imperfection we have.  We don't need anyone to tell us that they exist.

So now, now that I have gained that weight back, I still want my man to see me as perfect.  All women want that.  I have four beautiful daughters and a beautiful daughter-in-law.  I have two beautiful granddaughters.  Each of them are different sizes, different builds, different personalities, different people.  However, each of them are beautiful.  Each of them is gorgeous.  Each of them is perfect.