Skip to main content

How Will It End?

My mother is in the hospital.  I'm trying to maintain a semblance of normal.  She is completely whackadoodle - my  new word to describe what she is going through right now, completely out of her head in some aspects and completely cognizant in others.  She doesn't really know what is going on in her reality right now.  I go from laughing at the things she says to wanting to cry because I really don't know what is going on in her world.  Is it the end?  Is she close to the veil and that is why she is seeing and doing things that I don't understand?  Or is it that she is just out of her normal routine and it's thrown her 87-year-old brain into a tailspin?  I don't know.

I'm totally exhausted.  My brain is fried right now.  I haven't bathed since Sunday, because I just can't find the time nor the energy.  I have spent hours and hours at the hospital.  I spent hours trying to maintain my own life.  I've not spent hours doing what I want to do - work on painting my living room and such, so my remodeling can move forward.  The hoarder lifestyle is about to send me over the edge.

Right now, all I want to do is go soak in a hot tub of water.  All I want to do is get in  my pajamas.  I still need to finish dinner.  I still need to run to the rehab center that they moved my mother to today to take a prescription.  It's not an easy place to get to.  It's a little further than I planned.  Ted and KayeLynn are both evening napping - KayeLynn before she goes to work, Ted after he has worked all day.  I'm a bit envious of both of them.  If I nap, I won't sleep tonight.

That elusive hot bath, no thoughts in my brain and a night of restful sleep on my mind, but not in my near future.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

CoCo's Journey - Mortality Reality

This week has been one for the books.  There has been some good things, not so good things and more.  I will explain. Last Saturday, my daughter and I drove to Idaho Falls.  We went to visit my bonus daughter and her family.  I wasn't feeling great.  But I wasn't feeling horrible.  By the time I got home, I had a lot of swelling.  I have been dealing with that for a few months.  I had started to see a specialist about my liver and my pancreas.  I had recently started a medication, it is a very pricey medication, but it's supposed to help me break down calories and nutrients so that my body absorbs them.  Even though I eat, my body was just shedding the nutrients and food I was eating and making it so I was not gaining weight.  I was 95 pounds.  And nothing I did would gain weight.  But I've gained 20 pounds over the last few months.  My clothes were uncomfortable.  But, I don't know if it's just the water retenti...

CoCo's Journey - TPN Me!!

 I just decided to do another post after spending my first night in my own bed with my new sexy bed partner.  TPN. TPN - Total Parenteral Nutrition.  Calories, vitamins, minerals and all that delivered through an intravenous line. PICC line -  A little stronger and more durable than a regular IV line.  It's inserted, via ultrasound, into a vein.  Mine is in my upper right arm.   IV Pump - an electrical system that pumps the IV fluid from my bag into my veins.   In essence, I have an IV bag, when first attached to my PICC line, it probably weighs 15 to 20 pounds.  It is kept in a backpack, so I can be mobile.  I have the pump plugged in, to keep it charged, when I'm not mobile and trying to get my home back in order after being gone for five days in the hospital. Me and my sexy new bed partner.  I know, I'm gorgeous.  Skinnier than a prepubescent 12-year-old boy and a mess.  Don't judge.  I'm working on it!! ...

CoCo's Journey - How Did I Get Here??

Malabsorption - definition - Malabsorption is a state arising from abnormality of food nutrients across the gastrointestinal tract.  Impairment can be single or multiple nutrients depending on the abnormality.  This may lead to malnutrition and a variety of anaemias (blood disorders). I have heard the term before.  But the first time I had heard it in response to me was a little over a week ago.  I was with my roommate daughter at her appointment and her doctor pointed to IVY and said, what's up with that??  So I told him.  And he said, people have no idea how hard it is when you have malabsorption.  People think you can just eat to make it better, but you can't. So let's go to the beginning.... If you have known me at all in the last few decades, you know that I was "morbidly obese".  I topped out at 245 pounds.  I had Type 2 Diabetes, high blood pressure, thyroid disease and stomach issues (gerd) for the last couple of decades and had taken...