Skip to main content

How Will It End?

My mother is in the hospital.  I'm trying to maintain a semblance of normal.  She is completely whackadoodle - my  new word to describe what she is going through right now, completely out of her head in some aspects and completely cognizant in others.  She doesn't really know what is going on in her reality right now.  I go from laughing at the things she says to wanting to cry because I really don't know what is going on in her world.  Is it the end?  Is she close to the veil and that is why she is seeing and doing things that I don't understand?  Or is it that she is just out of her normal routine and it's thrown her 87-year-old brain into a tailspin?  I don't know.

I'm totally exhausted.  My brain is fried right now.  I haven't bathed since Sunday, because I just can't find the time nor the energy.  I have spent hours and hours at the hospital.  I spent hours trying to maintain my own life.  I've not spent hours doing what I want to do - work on painting my living room and such, so my remodeling can move forward.  The hoarder lifestyle is about to send me over the edge.

Right now, all I want to do is go soak in a hot tub of water.  All I want to do is get in  my pajamas.  I still need to finish dinner.  I still need to run to the rehab center that they moved my mother to today to take a prescription.  It's not an easy place to get to.  It's a little further than I planned.  Ted and KayeLynn are both evening napping - KayeLynn before she goes to work, Ted after he has worked all day.  I'm a bit envious of both of them.  If I nap, I won't sleep tonight.

That elusive hot bath, no thoughts in my brain and a night of restful sleep on my mind, but not in my near future.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

CoCo's Journey - Answers!! Finally!!!

 Today I finally got answers!!!  I do not have Cirrhosis!!!  I am Pre-Cirrhotic.  Very close to that precipice but still not falling over the edge and falling into a place that I cannot get out of.  I had seen my gastric bypass doctor a while ago - and was given the wrong information.  I think he was looking at the headline and had not read the story.  It's something I'm good at, too.   My doctor explained that when I was overweight, the fat in my body was damaging my liver.  Then I had gastric bypass and that should have helped my fatty liver.  But, then I wasn't able to absorb the calories, so I became malnourished. My liver was not getting the proteins I needed in order to supply my body with the proper nourishment.  Every organ you have needs protein, and it starts in the liver.  So - the malnourishment started to affect my liver.  Leading to the state I'm in now. The thing I need to work on is getting off the diu...

CoCo's Journey - An update -- of sorts

 I was asked for an update.  So - I waited until my last appointment with my liver doctor to see what he was going to say.  What we were going to do.  What the hell is going on.   So - a little recap.  Mid August I was admitted to the hospital due to liver disease.  The initial diagnosis was cirrhosis of the liver due to malnutrition, which was caused by malabsorption. After a biopsy, that diagnosis was changed to pre-cirrhosis.  I had over two liters of fluid removed from my belly by needle aspiration the first day.  I left the hospital five days later with a PICC line with IV nutrition.  IV nutrition supplemented my regular diet for four months.  My PICC line was removed in December and now it's a matter of how my body adjusts as to what the steps are. Since August and having the IV nutrition, I gained over 40 pounds.  I was a little over 140 pounds when they disconnected IVY (my PICC line/nutrition/bag - that's her name...

Day 9 - If You Could Have Any Job in the World, What Would it Be?

I was thinking and thinking and thinking about this.  I have had a very long career at a job I love.  I don't always love it, but, for the most part - it's been an awesome job and career.  I always tell people that I want to work at an airline, because I want to have the benefit of flying wherever and whenever I wanted - so if I had thought about it years ago - instead of law enforcement, I probably should have found a job in the travel industry - - but, that didn't work.  And, I fully intend one day to have those flight benefits. But, I am thinking of what I would have loved my career to be.  If I could have chosen the path of my life, I would have chosen to be a stay-at-home mom.  I can't think of a more fulfilling career than to have been more available to my kids and been there more for them.  My kids were raised by a mom who worked away from the home and spent a lot of time away from home.  I worked shift work, so there were days they never...