Skip to main content

Chaos Defined

Chaos:  noun - a situation where everything is confused and in a mess

I am living in chaos right now.

We are in the process of completely remodeling my living room.  I mean completely.  We have torn
the fireplace out from the middle of one wall and are moving it to a corner.  That meant tearing walls out and then having to mud and patch where the holes and such were.  The tile that was in front of the old fireplace spot has been torn out.  The carpet in the one corner has been cut away.  There is a hole in my wall where the fireplace will vent to the outside.  There is dirt, dust, sheetrock gunk and general ick around everywhere.  Once the fireplace is done, painting will need to be done and the new flooring laid down.  Once that is done, then we can put in new furniture and decorate.  But, in the meantime, my living room looks like a hoarder's dream, little pathways between boxes and furniture.  Boxes of DVDs, knickknacks, pictures and such are littering my floor because there is really no other place to put them.  To add to the chaos, Ted has been nursing a sore shoulder, so he's been sleeping out in the living room for the most part and his blankets and such get thrown hither and yon.  And general living and such are not helping matters.

Yesterday, I just wanted to control something and make something not dusty or dirty, so I decided before I went to work that I was going to scrub, deep clean, hands and knees kind of clean my master bathroom.   It had been a bit neglected and needed to be cleaned, but I wanted to REALLY clean it - like Spring clean it.  We have a long counter in there and only one sink.  When they built it, they probably should have done two sinks - why they didn't I don't know.  My master bath is a really nice bathroom with a large walk in closet, large garden tub, separate shower and nice large space.  I'm pretty spoiled by it.  But, it doesn't have the double sinks.  So, I have my half of the large counter and Ted has his half of the large counter and we have a large cupboard underneath to share and three drawers each.  I started throwing away old lotions and such that were littering my space and I asked Ted to go through stuff that was littering his.  Ted has different stuff that he puts on his side of the counter - and it usually includes the word geek.  I have no idea what he said, I have no idea what set me off but I did my freak out that comes from feeling out of control.  He asked me why I was freaking out and my response to him was something along the line of you have been with me for ten years and you know how I get.  But, he wanted to know why I get like that.  Well, hell, I freaking don't know.  I hate the feeling of chaos and being out of control - that's about it.  It's the same feeling I get at work when a flight I am primary on is oversold and I'm still not confident in my own abilities enough to feel like I can handle it myself.


After that, I just started to cry.  Ted did what he does best and he wrapped his arms around me and just hugged me until I could calm down.

Chaos is not my friend.  I need to keep my eye on the prize.  I am so very excited about how my living room is going to look when it's done.  I have visions of it in my head that I go over pretty much every day in my head about how beautiful it's going to be.  I needed a freak out, now it's time to keep my  head on straight.

My master bathroom is scrubbed clean and it makes me happy.  I did the same with my little powder room today.  I'll vacuum around my hoarder boxes when I get a chance.  Eye on the prize.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

CoCo's Journey - Mortality Reality

This week has been one for the books.  There has been some good things, not so good things and more.  I will explain. Last Saturday, my daughter and I drove to Idaho Falls.  We went to visit my bonus daughter and her family.  I wasn't feeling great.  But I wasn't feeling horrible.  By the time I got home, I had a lot of swelling.  I have been dealing with that for a few months.  I had started to see a specialist about my liver and my pancreas.  I had recently started a medication, it is a very pricey medication, but it's supposed to help me break down calories and nutrients so that my body absorbs them.  Even though I eat, my body was just shedding the nutrients and food I was eating and making it so I was not gaining weight.  I was 95 pounds.  And nothing I did would gain weight.  But I've gained 20 pounds over the last few months.  My clothes were uncomfortable.  But, I don't know if it's just the water retenti...

CoCo's Journey - TPN Me!!

 I just decided to do another post after spending my first night in my own bed with my new sexy bed partner.  TPN. TPN - Total Parenteral Nutrition.  Calories, vitamins, minerals and all that delivered through an intravenous line. PICC line -  A little stronger and more durable than a regular IV line.  It's inserted, via ultrasound, into a vein.  Mine is in my upper right arm.   IV Pump - an electrical system that pumps the IV fluid from my bag into my veins.   In essence, I have an IV bag, when first attached to my PICC line, it probably weighs 15 to 20 pounds.  It is kept in a backpack, so I can be mobile.  I have the pump plugged in, to keep it charged, when I'm not mobile and trying to get my home back in order after being gone for five days in the hospital. Me and my sexy new bed partner.  I know, I'm gorgeous.  Skinnier than a prepubescent 12-year-old boy and a mess.  Don't judge.  I'm working on it!! ...

CoCo's Journey - Answers!! Finally!!!

 Today I finally got answers!!!  I do not have Cirrhosis!!!  I am Pre-Cirrhotic.  Very close to that precipice but still not falling over the edge and falling into a place that I cannot get out of.  I had seen my gastric bypass doctor a while ago - and was given the wrong information.  I think he was looking at the headline and had not read the story.  It's something I'm good at, too.   My doctor explained that when I was overweight, the fat in my body was damaging my liver.  Then I had gastric bypass and that should have helped my fatty liver.  But, then I wasn't able to absorb the calories, so I became malnourished. My liver was not getting the proteins I needed in order to supply my body with the proper nourishment.  Every organ you have needs protein, and it starts in the liver.  So - the malnourishment started to affect my liver.  Leading to the state I'm in now. The thing I need to work on is getting off the diu...