Chaos Defined

Chaos:  noun - a situation where everything is confused and in a mess

I am living in chaos right now.

We are in the process of completely remodeling my living room.  I mean completely.  We have torn

the fireplace out from the middle of one wall and are moving it to a corner.  That meant tearing walls out and then having to mud and patch where the holes and such were.  The tile that was in front of the old fireplace spot has been torn out.  The carpet in the one corner has been cut away.  There is a hole in my wall where the fireplace will vent to the outside.  There is dirt, dust, sheetrock gunk and general ick around everywhere.  Once the fireplace is done, painting will need to be done and the new flooring laid down.  Once that is done, then we can put in new furniture and decorate.  But, in the meantime, my living room looks like a hoarder's dream, little pathways between boxes and furniture.  Boxes of DVDs, knickknacks, pictures and such are littering my floor because there is really no other place to put them.  To add to the chaos, Ted has been nursing a sore shoulder, so he's been sleeping out in the living room for the most part and his blankets and such get thrown hither and yon.  And general living and such are not helping matters.

Yesterday, I just wanted to control something and make something not dusty or dirty, so I decided before I went to work that I was going to scrub, deep clean, hands and knees kind of clean my master bathroom.   It had been a bit neglected and needed to be cleaned, but I wanted to REALLY clean it - like Spring clean it.  We have a long counter in there and only one sink.  When they built it, they probably should have done two sinks - why they didn't I don't know.  My master bath is a really nice bathroom with a large walk in closet, large garden tub, separate shower and nice large space.  I'm pretty spoiled by it.  But, it doesn't have the double sinks.  So, I have my half of the large counter and Ted has his half of the large counter and we have a large cupboard underneath to share and three drawers each.  I started throwing away old lotions and such that were littering my space and I asked Ted to go through stuff that was littering his.  Ted has different stuff that he puts on his side of the counter - and it usually includes the word geek.  I have no idea what he said, I have no idea what set me off but I did my freak out that comes from feeling out of control.  He asked me why I was freaking out and my response to him was something along the line of you have been with me for ten years and you know how I get.  But, he wanted to know why I get like that.  Well, hell, I freaking don't know.  I hate the feeling of chaos and being out of control - that's about it.  It's the same feeling I get at work when a flight I am primary on is oversold and I'm still not confident in my own abilities enough to feel like I can handle it myself.

After that, I just started to cry.  Ted did what he does best and he wrapped his arms around me and just hugged me until I could calm down.

Chaos is not my friend.  I need to keep my eye on the prize.  I am so very excited about how my living room is going to look when it's done.  I have visions of it in my head that I go over pretty much every day in my head about how beautiful it's going to be.  I needed a freak out, now it's time to keep my  head on straight.

My master bathroom is scrubbed clean and it makes me happy.  I did the same with my little powder room today.  I'll vacuum around my hoarder boxes when I get a chance.  Eye on the prize.