What a crazy question and what a crazy time to ask it. When everything I thought I was has completely changed - and this is the subject.
I worked very hard in my previous life. It was who I was. I was immersed in what I did in my previous life. When I talk about my previous life, I am talking about my previous career. It was a long and pretty illustrious career. I started when I was twenty years old and stayed over thirty years - 32 to be exact. I would still be there if things had not happened as they did.
I worked my way up the ranks. Starting as a records clerk, then into dispatcher, then dispatch supervisor. Then I was promoted into a management position. My hopes were to help the people that worked there. I soon found that wasn't an easy thing to do. In fact, it was nearly impossible. To survive, I really had to become someone else. Someone I didn't know. Sadly, I didn't know that was what was happening - because it was so easy to assimilate into them than to remain me.
Soon enough, it became impossible. In fact, I pretty much became more and more impotent to help the people that I should have been there for. I became ineffective, to say the least, to do pretty much anything. I tried to get help - but none was to be found.
I finally came to the decision that the only person I could help was myself. I had put my time in, I could retire. I walked away. I walked away from my private office. I walked away from five weeks of vacation a year. I walked away from my flexible schedule with weekends and holidays off, I walked away from $70,000 a year, I walked away from my friends - very close friends - who I miss every day.
I knew I had to work still. And I followed my dream of working in the airline industry. It's been a dream come true. I love what I do - except maybe Christmas holiday travel time and the insane amount of people travelling at that time. I love the people I work with. I love watching the people that are there - crazy things happen at the airport.
It's been an exhausting couple of years. I'm happy with who I am. I'm sad for the friends I left behind. I love having more time off - but, I feel like every second is filled with something.
I love that I found myself again. I didn't like that other person. I'm so glad to be me again.
I worked my way up the ranks. Starting as a records clerk, then into dispatcher, then dispatch supervisor. Then I was promoted into a management position. My hopes were to help the people that worked there. I soon found that wasn't an easy thing to do. In fact, it was nearly impossible. To survive, I really had to become someone else. Someone I didn't know. Sadly, I didn't know that was what was happening - because it was so easy to assimilate into them than to remain me.
Soon enough, it became impossible. In fact, I pretty much became more and more impotent to help the people that I should have been there for. I became ineffective, to say the least, to do pretty much anything. I tried to get help - but none was to be found.
I finally came to the decision that the only person I could help was myself. I had put my time in, I could retire. I walked away. I walked away from my private office. I walked away from five weeks of vacation a year. I walked away from my flexible schedule with weekends and holidays off, I walked away from $70,000 a year, I walked away from my friends - very close friends - who I miss every day.
It's been an exhausting couple of years. I'm happy with who I am. I'm sad for the friends I left behind. I love having more time off - but, I feel like every second is filled with something.
I love that I found myself again. I didn't like that other person. I'm so glad to be me again.
So glad you found yourself again...that is the hardest part i think, watching yourself become someone you no longer identify with..somehow those higher positions have a hard time finding that balance when your (peers) and higher ups are there for very different reasons than you are...Im proud of you Colleen for realizing it and doing something about it... i know several of those left behind miss you like crazy too, but i also know they are doing their time also with only the end in mind...sad really, but im so happy for you that you are happier than ever...Looks like they did you a favor!!! Love ya girl!! Kimmie K.W
ReplyDeleteThanks Kimmie - that means a whole lot!!!
DeleteYou are loved and you are missed and you are thought of often.
ReplyDeleteYou are loved and missed and thought of often.
ReplyDelete