Skip to main content

How Have You Changed In The Last Two Years - Day 2

What a crazy question and what a crazy time to ask it.  When everything I thought I was has completely changed - and this is the subject.

I worked very hard in my previous life.  It was who I was.  I was immersed in what I did in my previous life.  When I talk about my previous life, I am talking about my previous career.  It was a long and pretty illustrious career.  I started when I was twenty years old and stayed over thirty years - 32 to be exact.  I would still be there if things had not happened as they did.

I worked my way up the ranks.  Starting as a records clerk, then into dispatcher, then dispatch supervisor.  Then I was promoted into a management position.  My hopes were to help the people that worked there.  I soon found that wasn't an easy thing to do.  In fact, it was nearly impossible.  To survive, I really had to become someone else.  Someone I didn't know.  Sadly, I didn't know that was what was happening - because it was so easy to assimilate into them than to remain me.

Soon enough, it became impossible.  In fact, I pretty much became more and more impotent to help the people that I should have been there for.  I became ineffective, to say the least, to do pretty much anything.  I tried to get help - but none was to be found.

I finally came to the decision that the only person I could help was myself.  I had put my time in, I could retire.  I walked away.  I walked away from my private office.  I walked away from five weeks of vacation a year.  I walked away from my flexible schedule with weekends and holidays off, I walked away from $70,000 a year, I walked away from my friends - very close friends - who I miss every day.

I knew I had to work still.  And I followed my dream of working in the airline industry.  It's been a dream come true.  I love what I do - except maybe Christmas holiday travel time and the insane amount of people travelling at that time.  I love the people I work with.  I love watching the people that are there - crazy things happen at the airport.

It's been an exhausting couple of years.  I'm happy with who I am.  I'm sad for the friends I left behind.  I love having more time off - but, I feel like every second is filled with something.

I love that I found myself again.  I didn't like that other person.  I'm so glad to be me again.




Labels:

Comments

  1. Kimmie Wright all the time!January 13, 2016 at 10:44 AM

    So glad you found yourself again...that is the hardest part i think, watching yourself become someone you no longer identify with..somehow those higher positions have a hard time finding that balance when your (peers) and higher ups are there for very different reasons than you are...Im proud of you Colleen for realizing it and doing something about it... i know several of those left behind miss you like crazy too, but i also know they are doing their time also with only the end in mind...sad really, but im so happy for you that you are happier than ever...Looks like they did you a favor!!! Love ya girl!! Kimmie K.W

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonFebruary 24, 2016 at 2:35 PM

    You are loved and you are missed and you are thought of often.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonFebruary 24, 2016 at 2:35 PM

    You are loved and missed and thought of often.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Happy Birthday Me!!

I turned 49 a year ago tomorrow.  I was all right with that.  I didn't really care.  But, about a couple of months after that, I realized that in less than a year I would be 50.  When my daughter turned 30, it really was a horrible feeling.  How could I have a 30-year-old daughter??  I am not old enough to have a 30-year-old daughter.  I also had to deal with my baby boy getting married last year - which made me feel like I really was getting older. I think it was after Crystal's birthday that I devised a plan.  I was going to take a couple of days off, I was going to get a hotel room - a hotel with a pool - and I was just going to hide out and ride it out.  I had it all figured out. Well, I decided that my kids might be a bit upset with me that I did this.  So, I went back to Plan B - I would do my usual and plan a "kids" birthday for me so that the entire family, including Zach and Chelsea, could have a good time.  I thought of going to Planet Play and setti
8 comments
Read more

The Haunting

It's been a weird few days. I don't know what set me off. But, I've been thinking about Ted a lot. Mostly, I've been thinking about the night he died. And everything that happened that night. One of the girls I worked with lost her husband suddenly a couple of days ago. I'm not sure if that's what set me off - no, I'm pretty sure it is. So I've been going through old blog posts about our trips together. Looking at memories of our times together. We just had fun together and we just loved each other. Anyway, I've been reliving the night he died. Thinking about it pretty consistently. And the things that happened are truly haunting me. Like, how did he get where he was?? He and I had been sitting together and had literally just had an interaction. The interaction was, please sit back, you're blocking my view of the movie. And it was all done in hand gestures. But it was just so Ted. Completely and totally so Ted. Not even a few
10 comments
Read more

First Date - - End of an Era!

It's no secret that Ted and I met on the internet. We jibbered and jabbered via Match.Com a few times and then he sent me his phone number. We won't go into details about what made me give him a call, other than I was in need of a boost. I gave him a call and he was "busy" for a bit working on his carbuerator (yes, I was shunned aside for a carbuerator) and he asked if he could call me back later. Well, he did call me later that night and we made arrangements to meet at Denny's on 3500 South and 2200 West the next afternoon. No, it wasn't a four-star restaurant, but it was a way for either of us to run or make excuses if things were not going well. We sat there for a few hours; I drank Diet Coke and Ted drank Iced Tea. We talked, mostly Ted talked, about stuff I had absolutely no clue about; I tease him a lot about everything he says pretty much floats above my head, because I have no idea what he is talking about. That was October 10, 2004. After a w
6 comments
Read more