Don't Quash My Giddy

Yesterday was an awesome day.  I  met a goal.  It was a major accomplishment and it took a lot of time.  I was pretty proud of myself.  I'm not completely done with this project - but, it was a major milestone to get to this step done.  And I'm not lying when I say that I am pretty damned proud of all that I have accomplished with this task.

Greener Pastures Await

In two weeks, I will have been working in my position for sixteen years.  The position of a  supervisor.  Now, let's get a little understanding on things - I was handed a few jobs to do when I got the position - I had to figure out how to keep everyone certified, re-certified, maintain their training hours to make sure they were certified in four different certifications (that's a lot of times saying certified/certifications!!), handle the annual grant we apply for, track the expenses and get everything ready for submission, scheduling of all the dispatchers and a couple of other things.  Now, beyond the scheduling (which I mostly did myself with a little help), I had to teach myself what to do, how to do it and learn it from the beginning.  Nobody taught me - I researched it, made phone calls, sent emails and taught myself - EVERYTHING!!!  All while working a graveyard shift and having three young kids at home. There was nobody to teach me how to do it, but me!!  Beyond that, I also took upon myself various other assignments that I just pretty much just started to do and they became part of "my jobs".

A few years into my job as a supervisor, I went to an instructor's class for POST Dispatch Instruction.  When I did that, my boss at the time gave me and my friend Patti the job of coming up with our own curriculum and instruction and take care of doing this class on our own - doing it in-house to save some money.  At first I was ambivalent, but, once I got into the project - this class became mine and mine alone.  It was my baby, it was what I LOVED to do.  I oversaw this training for several years, sending all of our new dispatchers through and meeting dispatchers from throughout the state.  Most of which I absolutely loved during the week I spent with them.  I especially appreciated when I would hear from them again through email and such - or when I would get the comments from them "this was the best class I have ever been to".  I had to agree - it was a boring curriculum, but we found a way to make it fun and they were able to learn.  It really helped me get past a great fear of public speaking that I had.  I had to teach, I had to talk to people, I had to tell my most embarrassing stories to people.   More than once I had current students say, "so and so from your last class said to tell you to tell the story about your underwear on the sidewalk" or "..... told us to tell you to tell about your cruise".

I was pretty distraught a few years ago when my boss lady, Roxann, made me give up pretty much all of my tasks.  I understood that it was good that other people learned how to do what I was doing.  I mean, what would happen if I was crushed by a steam roller or something and nobody knew what I did.  Anyway, it was pretty devastating to me to give up my certifications that I had worked very hard at from the beginning of time and my beloved POST class.  When everything was divvied up, I had nothing - absolutely nothing - it was all given to other people.  OK, I did have something, I was given the task of ordering supplies - ICK!!!  But, guess what, I worked my ass of doing them.  I cleaned out the supply closet, I organized everything, I put things in order, I got rid of things that had been sitting in the closet for so many years, nobody knew we had them!!!  It's what I do, I take the reins of a task and I don't let go until I feel like it's up to par with my expectations.

I like to work, I love to work, I love to be busy - that doesn't mean I don't like a lazy day now and then, it doesn't mean I won't take a minute out of my day to sit and gab or catch up on personal email and facebook - but, I absolutely love to work my ass off and feel like I have done everything that I could have done to make it a spectacular job!!

This brings me back to yesterday - yesterday, after I felt like I was on top of the world, I was kind of sat down and informed that some of my peers resent me.  They feel like I am treated differently - that I am treated with "favor".  I kind of blew it off yesterday, but, it's been nagging at me.  It's kind of been bothering me.  These are people who I have mentored and done everything I could to help them learn.  Whenever someone is promoted, I have always told them they can call me, text me, whatever they need to do - I don't care what time it is - if they need me, I will do everything I can to be there for them.  To find out that I am  resented absolutely broke my heart.  I have been doing this job for sixteen years - I have been working my butt off that whole time.  I have been there for them, I have been there for my boss, I have been there for everyone that works in that office.   What the hell, I was the one who stood up with Roxann to the previous administration and fought the battles - maybe not to the degree she did - but, I was there with her, I had her back - because I knew it meant I had their back!!    I spent months sick, sick to my stomach, because we were fighting an uphill battle.  Some people would have and did give up and pretty much sit on the sidelines - even with as discouraged as I got, I worked my damnedest to do the job I was tasked with.  Now that Scott is in charge, I am still working my behind off every day - - because it's what I do!!!


I really have been downtrodden all day long and it's all because of that.  To the point I don't know if it's worth it anymore.  I've done my time.  Maybe it's time for someone else to be the "favorite".