I am sitting here, tears running down my face. I have a tendency to wear my heart on my sleeve. I hate to cry, I hate to show anyone I am crying. So, to be doing it sitting on my couch is all right - but, my hell, I hate to worry about someone so much.
My son's best friend, the boy/man who was his best man, has left today for Army boot camp. I kind of feel like I am his link to some sort of motherhood since his own mother died about two years ago. When his mother died unexpectedly, I was heartbroken for him - but, mostly because he really doesn't have many people in his life. She walked the dog at her childhood home, laid down next her her husband of less than a year and fell asleep never to awaken. I was heartbroken for him. He was left with his grandmother that he adores - but who lives in Price, his father who he is not really close with and his sister, who has her own life several states away.
He was going to college, but with everything that happens when you grieve, he was not able to keep his grades up and ended up moving in with his sister for the last few months. He turned to God and asked him for direction and decided that in order to get further in life, he was going to need to make a big decision and he looked at going into the Army and took the entrance exam. He did well enough to get into a field he wanted to get into so he decided to join. I had told him when he decided that I was proud of him, but I would worry none-the-same and I just wanted what was best for him.
I was ok with it.
That was until Thursday. Thursday, all of the sudden, I got a text from him. It was simple, "Hey". When I responded to him, I found out that he was second guessing himself, that he was, in his own words, "terrified". He needed a mom, he needed encouragement, he needed truth. He isn't worried about being in the Army, he isn't worried about anything other than boot camp. He is worried about being degraded, put down and yelled at. Ya see, my kiddo Mikey, is not one to deal with that. He doesn't like it at all. And he is genuinely worried about it. I have kept in touch with him pretty much since Thursday. Checking on him, hoping his fears had been allayed to a certain degree. We actually talked for about three hours on Facebook Sunday morning. I should have been doing anything other than that, but this was much more important. I sent him a text yesterday: "Hey you!!! I am thinking of you. Please take care of yourself. You will be fine!! Let me know if you need anything!!". He didn't respond. That was ok. But I asked my son if he got a response to his text yesterday - and he said, no - but he did today. He expressed to my son that he was almost to his base and that he was terrified and wished my son was with him.
It was when I heard that he was terrified still that I began to cry. And I just can't stop. It would be one thing if I could check on him and see how it was going. But, I can't. He won't have any contact for the next several weeks. I hope I am not crying for that long.
Take care Mikey Bones. I sure love you dearly, I will worry about you, I will miss you. Take care of yourself.
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| The three Amigos - Mike, Rodger and Phil |
He was going to college, but with everything that happens when you grieve, he was not able to keep his grades up and ended up moving in with his sister for the last few months. He turned to God and asked him for direction and decided that in order to get further in life, he was going to need to make a big decision and he looked at going into the Army and took the entrance exam. He did well enough to get into a field he wanted to get into so he decided to join. I had told him when he decided that I was proud of him, but I would worry none-the-same and I just wanted what was best for him.
I was ok with it.
That was until Thursday. Thursday, all of the sudden, I got a text from him. It was simple, "Hey". When I responded to him, I found out that he was second guessing himself, that he was, in his own words, "terrified". He needed a mom, he needed encouragement, he needed truth. He isn't worried about being in the Army, he isn't worried about anything other than boot camp. He is worried about being degraded, put down and yelled at. Ya see, my kiddo Mikey, is not one to deal with that. He doesn't like it at all. And he is genuinely worried about it. I have kept in touch with him pretty much since Thursday. Checking on him, hoping his fears had been allayed to a certain degree. We actually talked for about three hours on Facebook Sunday morning. I should have been doing anything other than that, but this was much more important. I sent him a text yesterday: "Hey you!!! I am thinking of you. Please take care of yourself. You will be fine!! Let me know if you need anything!!". He didn't respond. That was ok. But I asked my son if he got a response to his text yesterday - and he said, no - but he did today. He expressed to my son that he was almost to his base and that he was terrified and wished my son was with him.
It was when I heard that he was terrified still that I began to cry. And I just can't stop. It would be one thing if I could check on him and see how it was going. But, I can't. He won't have any contact for the next several weeks. I hope I am not crying for that long.
Take care Mikey Bones. I sure love you dearly, I will worry about you, I will miss you. Take care of yourself.
That made me cry too. Its the mother in us, we don't like to see our children go thru the trials put before us and knowing he was terrified doesn't help. He will come out of the a much better man and will be able to say he made it! Make sure you have letters lined up to send too. That will mean more than anything coming from you. Love you!
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