What's That Word??

I have a problem.  I like challenge.  I like to work.  I like to be busy.  I like having something to do.  The one thing in life that will make me crazy is to tell me to sit down, shut up and not do a thing.

Even while watching television, sitting on my behind, doing not a damn thing - I have to be doing something.  It makes Ted insane that I cannot sit and just watch television.  We have literally had knock down drag outs - because while watching  a movie or something, he wants cell phones off, he wants computers off, he wants to just sit and watch television.  Me, on the other hand, cannot just sit and watch television.  I have to have my computer in my lap, my tablet at my side, my phone close by.  I literally half watch television.  If there is something Ted wants me to see, he will back it up, rewind it, so we can watch it again.  That doesn't mean I'm not paying attention.  I am.  If there is something good to watch, I'll pay attention.  While I'm watching though, I'm either doing school work, entering sweepstakes, playing that hideous game Candy Crush, sometimes blogging or just reading email and such.  I can't just sit and watch.  Even when we go to the movies, it's really hard for me.  I have to put  my phone in my purse, because if I feel it buzz with a text or something, I feel an incessant need to read it, otherwise I might be missing something important.

Again, I like to be busy.  I am going to school full time - and when I'll use what I learn, I have no idea.  It was a great plan, but things change and now I don't know for sure if I'll use what I am learning.  Hopefully, someday.

I am putting in long hours at work, almost every day I stay past my work hours.  I have taken one day off since Ted was in the hospital, that was to take him to the doctor because he wasn't released to drive yet.  Even when Ted was in the hospital, I went back to work, because I knew he really didn't need me there - he had plenty of people taking care of him.


Given a challenge, an assignment, a directive, something to do, I'm not happy unless I put my whole heart and soul into a project.  I become completely obsessive, completely wrapped up in it and I have a very hard time letting it go.  If it's time for me to let go, I literally have to step back and let someone else take the reins.   And stop myself from trying to take it back over.

A couple of years ago, I volunteered to be on my HOA board.  Why did I do that?  They needed me.  They were looking for volunteers.  It really wasn't a big deal.  A monthly meeting.  Sometimes a small assignment - taking cookies to new people, programming the gate codes.  Nothing big.  Then the secretary that was serving kind of thew a temper tantrum and said she wasn't going to do it anymore.  OK.  I am not about making people do what they don't want to do, so feel free to leave.  If you leave, things keep trucking and moving on.  First meeting without her, guess what - I was getting the look.  WHO, just WHO, are we going to get to be secretary?  WHO shall it be?  Then came the look.  Yeah, I said yes.  Why did I do that?  They needed me. They were looking for a volunteer.  So, as I sit here after writing, printing, rolling it into a little scroll and throwing a rubber band around my very first newsletter and wondering when I'm going to get to walk around the neighborhood putting it on everyone's door, I wonder if I'll ever learn my lesson.  If I'll ever learn the word no.

Eh - don't get me wrong.  I actually am loving it.  Because if I wasn't doing this and the other hundred things I want  and need to do, what would I be doing?  Making Ted happy because I was actually sitting and watching the television with him?  Eh - what's the fun in that?