Skip to main content

What's That Word??

I have a problem.  I like challenge.  I like to work.  I like to be busy.  I like having something to do.  The one thing in life that will make me crazy is to tell me to sit down, shut up and not do a thing.

Even while watching television, sitting on my behind, doing not a damn thing - I have to be doing something.  It makes Ted insane that I cannot sit and just watch television.  We have literally had knock down drag outs - because while watching  a movie or something, he wants cell phones off, he wants computers off, he wants to just sit and watch television.  Me, on the other hand, cannot just sit and watch television.  I have to have my computer in my lap, my tablet at my side, my phone close by.  I literally half watch television.  If there is something Ted wants me to see, he will back it up, rewind it, so we can watch it again.  That doesn't mean I'm not paying attention.  I am.  If there is something good to watch, I'll pay attention.  While I'm watching though, I'm either doing school work, entering sweepstakes, playing that hideous game Candy Crush, sometimes blogging or just reading email and such.  I can't just sit and watch.  Even when we go to the movies, it's really hard for me.  I have to put  my phone in my purse, because if I feel it buzz with a text or something, I feel an incessant need to read it, otherwise I might be missing something important.

Again, I like to be busy.  I am going to school full time - and when I'll use what I learn, I have no idea.  It was a great plan, but things change and now I don't know for sure if I'll use what I am learning.  Hopefully, someday.

I am putting in long hours at work, almost every day I stay past my work hours.  I have taken one day off since Ted was in the hospital, that was to take him to the doctor because he wasn't released to drive yet.  Even when Ted was in the hospital, I went back to work, because I knew he really didn't need me there - he had plenty of people taking care of him.


Given a challenge, an assignment, a directive, something to do, I'm not happy unless I put my whole heart and soul into a project.  I become completely obsessive, completely wrapped up in it and I have a very hard time letting it go.  If it's time for me to let go, I literally have to step back and let someone else take the reins.   And stop myself from trying to take it back over.

A couple of years ago, I volunteered to be on my HOA board.  Why did I do that?  They needed me.  They were looking for volunteers.  It really wasn't a big deal.  A monthly meeting.  Sometimes a small assignment - taking cookies to new people, programming the gate codes.  Nothing big.  Then the secretary that was serving kind of thew a temper tantrum and said she wasn't going to do it anymore.  OK.  I am not about making people do what they don't want to do, so feel free to leave.  If you leave, things keep trucking and moving on.  First meeting without her, guess what - I was getting the look.  WHO, just WHO, are we going to get to be secretary?  WHO shall it be?  Then came the look.  Yeah, I said yes.  Why did I do that?  They needed me. They were looking for a volunteer.  So, as I sit here after writing, printing, rolling it into a little scroll and throwing a rubber band around my very first newsletter and wondering when I'm going to get to walk around the neighborhood putting it on everyone's door, I wonder if I'll ever learn my lesson.  If I'll ever learn the word no.

Eh - don't get me wrong.  I actually am loving it.  Because if I wasn't doing this and the other hundred things I want  and need to do, what would I be doing?  Making Ted happy because I was actually sitting and watching the television with him?  Eh - what's the fun in that?



Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

CoCo's Journey - How Did I Get Here??

Malabsorption - definition - Malabsorption is a state arising from abnormality of food nutrients across the gastrointestinal tract.  Impairment can be single or multiple nutrients depending on the abnormality.  This may lead to malnutrition and a variety of anaemias (blood disorders). I have heard the term before.  But the first time I had heard it in response to me was a little over a week ago.  I was with my roommate daughter at her appointment and her doctor pointed to IVY and said, what's up with that??  So I told him.  And he said, people have no idea how hard it is when you have malabsorption.  People think you can just eat to make it better, but you can't. So let's go to the beginning.... If you have known me at all in the last few decades, you know that I was "morbidly obese".  I topped out at 245 pounds.  I had Type 2 Diabetes, high blood pressure, thyroid disease and stomach issues (gerd) for the last couple of decades and had taken...
12 comments
Read more

CoCo's Journey - Answers!! Finally!!!

 Today I finally got answers!!!  I do not have Cirrhosis!!!  I am Pre-Cirrhotic.  Very close to that precipice but still not falling over the edge and falling into a place that I cannot get out of.  I had seen my gastric bypass doctor a while ago - and was given the wrong information.  I think he was looking at the headline and had not read the story.  It's something I'm good at, too.   My doctor explained that when I was overweight, the fat in my body was damaging my liver.  Then I had gastric bypass and that should have helped my fatty liver.  But, then I wasn't able to absorb the calories, so I became malnourished. My liver was not getting the proteins I needed in order to supply my body with the proper nourishment.  Every organ you have needs protein, and it starts in the liver.  So - the malnourishment started to affect my liver.  Leading to the state I'm in now. The thing I need to work on is getting off the diu...
2 comments
Read more

CoCo's Journey - An update -- of sorts

 I was asked for an update.  So - I waited until my last appointment with my liver doctor to see what he was going to say.  What we were going to do.  What the hell is going on.   So - a little recap.  Mid August I was admitted to the hospital due to liver disease.  The initial diagnosis was cirrhosis of the liver due to malnutrition, which was caused by malabsorption. After a biopsy, that diagnosis was changed to pre-cirrhosis.  I had over two liters of fluid removed from my belly by needle aspiration the first day.  I left the hospital five days later with a PICC line with IV nutrition.  IV nutrition supplemented my regular diet for four months.  My PICC line was removed in December and now it's a matter of how my body adjusts as to what the steps are. Since August and having the IV nutrition, I gained over 40 pounds.  I was a little over 140 pounds when they disconnected IVY (my PICC line/nutrition/bag - that's her name...
3 comments
Read more