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In A Mood

I have been struggling this last week.  Things are piling up in my brain and making me frustrated and irritable. I've been plain cranky.

I feel like life is rushing by and I'm two steps behind everyone else.  I feel like I'm on the outside looking in.  I can't even say for sure why - the window I'm looking through is getting really frosted over, too.  And, I'm tired of the feeling.

I'm happy to have Ted home, but, I feel like everything is in disarray there.  Its not just a feeling, everything is in disarray. And mundane.  Work all day then try to figure out something healthy for dinner.  When you're a chunky woman who eats with her emotions, being cranky and not being able to dive into a piece of cake or something is extremely frustrating.  So trying to figure out how to make chicken tasty again is rough.  Especially after frying my brain out trying to figure out how to make it through another day at work - a place where everyone is frustrated, everyone is unhappy and you're feeling rather useless.  

Top it off, I've been incredibly depressed about having to cancel my cruise this last couple of days.  I just feel like I am desperate for a vacation.  I need a vacation.  I need to go somewhere that isn't cold and gray.  So, I sit here and try and find something to do, somewhere to go - just dream.  It got worse when Ted says, "well remember, we're trying to go to Missouri this year, too".  I am happy to go to Missouri, or wherever, but, we don't know when or even if.  I want to plan something right now.

I'm not used to this depressed feeling.  I know it's the season.  I'm just tired of feeling like I'm drowning - it's rather lonely.
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