Age is just a fact of life. Every second, every minute, every day, every week, every year, we get older. It's just what happens with us. We start as babies and grow and learn. We become toddlers, then children, then those gangly in between years, then teenagers, onward to adults. Once we hit adulthood, it seems that the time goes faster and faster and soon, we are staring fifty square in the face.
Along with that comes other worries. Our children grow older and go through those same stages. They get engaged. They get married. They have children. You then get to watch them go through the same thing you went through with them and then you have different worries concerning grandchildren and in-laws.
Then on the whole other spectrum, you have your parents to worry about. I am rather lucky; my mother is two blocks away. If she needs something, she gives me a call and I get there as soon as I can. I also have a brother and two sisters within shouting distance if she needs someone. So, though I have concerns, I am close and can be there within moments.
Ted's parents, on the other hand, do not have that luxury. Ted and I are the closest and we are five hours away. We try to get over to see them a couple of times a years and take care of any problems they may be experiencing. Last year, Ted helped his dad cut down a tree, just odd jobs like that. This last year, though, it seems like they have been struggling a lot more. Ted's dad has not been feeling well and Ted's mom had been experiencing a lot of pain in her back and leg, to wit the doctors could not really find a cause or fix the problem. I took her grocery shopping (they didn't have much at all left in the house, they had been living off their stored food) and she simply exhausted me. We got her in one of those grocery automated scooters and good gravy, she was all over that store!! They are extremely simple folk, who buy a lot of generic and such; she reuses almost everything, including ziploc bags
About three weeks ago, Ted got a call from his mom that his dad was "missing". Apparently, he had dropped her off at the doctor's office and left her there, but never came back to pick her up. It had been hours, the police had been called. He eventually came back home. He had driven around for hours, trying to find the doctor's office, but, couldn't find his way back. It was attributed to possible dehydration. Then, a few nights ago, the home phone rang at about one minute to eleven (a very late hour for us). I was shocked to look down and the caller ID was from Ted's parent's house. I handed the phone to Ted, after telling him who it was, and heard him answer with a shaky voice. If one of his parents were calling that late, that meant something bad had happened. His mother had fallen down and broken her leg - again. She had broken it five years ago and now she had broken it again. She has been in the hospital since - they've done some surgery and she'll be in rehab for probably two weeks.
Ted and his family are not really close. It's not that they don't like each other, they just live all over the country. His sisters live in Missouri, one brother in Arkansas, one brother in Pennsylvania and the other brother in Florida. They really don't talk much. Tonight, they did a conference call where all six of them were on the phone to discuss what options they have for their father, who is becoming more and more confused and at this point is afraid to leave the house to drive and their mother, who is now laid up with a broken leg and has a hard time getting around. Right now, they are leaning toward talking their parents into moving to Joplin, Missouri, so there are people around that can take care of them - without driving five hours.
I know Ted loves his parents dearly. I love them, myself, in the short time that I've spent with them.
It's a never ending cycle; you worry about your own self, then you start to worry about your spouse or partner, then you worry about your children, then you add some grandchildren and your aging parents to the mix, your life is full of worry.
Along with that comes other worries. Our children grow older and go through those same stages. They get engaged. They get married. They have children. You then get to watch them go through the same thing you went through with them and then you have different worries concerning grandchildren and in-laws.
Then on the whole other spectrum, you have your parents to worry about. I am rather lucky; my mother is two blocks away. If she needs something, she gives me a call and I get there as soon as I can. I also have a brother and two sisters within shouting distance if she needs someone. So, though I have concerns, I am close and can be there within moments.
Ted's parents, on the other hand, do not have that luxury. Ted and I are the closest and we are five hours away. We try to get over to see them a couple of times a years and take care of any problems they may be experiencing. Last year, Ted helped his dad cut down a tree, just odd jobs like that. This last year, though, it seems like they have been struggling a lot more. Ted's dad has not been feeling well and Ted's mom had been experiencing a lot of pain in her back and leg, to wit the doctors could not really find a cause or fix the problem. I took her grocery shopping (they didn't have much at all left in the house, they had been living off their stored food) and she simply exhausted me. We got her in one of those grocery automated scooters and good gravy, she was all over that store!! They are extremely simple folk, who buy a lot of generic and such; she reuses almost everything, including ziploc bags
About three weeks ago, Ted got a call from his mom that his dad was "missing". Apparently, he had dropped her off at the doctor's office and left her there, but never came back to pick her up. It had been hours, the police had been called. He eventually came back home. He had driven around for hours, trying to find the doctor's office, but, couldn't find his way back. It was attributed to possible dehydration. Then, a few nights ago, the home phone rang at about one minute to eleven (a very late hour for us). I was shocked to look down and the caller ID was from Ted's parent's house. I handed the phone to Ted, after telling him who it was, and heard him answer with a shaky voice. If one of his parents were calling that late, that meant something bad had happened. His mother had fallen down and broken her leg - again. She had broken it five years ago and now she had broken it again. She has been in the hospital since - they've done some surgery and she'll be in rehab for probably two weeks.
Ted and his family are not really close. It's not that they don't like each other, they just live all over the country. His sisters live in Missouri, one brother in Arkansas, one brother in Pennsylvania and the other brother in Florida. They really don't talk much. Tonight, they did a conference call where all six of them were on the phone to discuss what options they have for their father, who is becoming more and more confused and at this point is afraid to leave the house to drive and their mother, who is now laid up with a broken leg and has a hard time getting around. Right now, they are leaning toward talking their parents into moving to Joplin, Missouri, so there are people around that can take care of them - without driving five hours.
I know Ted loves his parents dearly. I love them, myself, in the short time that I've spent with them.
It's a never ending cycle; you worry about your own self, then you start to worry about your spouse or partner, then you worry about your children, then you add some grandchildren and your aging parents to the mix, your life is full of worry.
Wow, that really sucks. The time we went through this kind of a thing with my Grandma was by far one of the hardest times of my life. Good luck. ):
ReplyDeleteSounds like you & Ted have a tough choice ahead. It is tough all the way around & I know exactly what you mean. Be strong.
ReplyDeleteI understand i watch what my parents go through with my grandma(my dads mom). She's losing it more and more everyday and out of 7 siblings it seems like my parents (especialy my mom)have to handle brunt of it and it's like pulling teeth to get the other siblings to help out. It's hard to watch my my have so much of that responsibilty when it's her MIL and she has everthing else to handle but then I also think that when it's time to take care of my parents that will probably be me taking care of them more than my 8 siblings so i'm learning a valuable lesson to ak for help and make sure it is recived.
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