Ten years

How fast does ten years go by? It's crazy how fast it goes by. Ten years ago yesterday, I went to work as usual. George had not felt good all the night before and had hardly slept - so all day long he slept. I had to be to work early, because I had a supervisor meeting that I needed to attend, so I left the house around two. I remember him sitting on the edge of the bed, could barely keep his eyes open, and kept touching his lips for me to kiss him goodbye. KayeLynn was the only one home with him - Rodger had gone to spend the night at a friends house and Crystal was working for Mark Travel in their call center. I had made a chicken dish before I left - much too much for the two of them. I called several times during my shift. KayeLynn told me each time that he was sleeping. She warmed up his dinner and he came to eat, but kept falling asleep and nearly landing in his food. People may say that this should have been a warning sign, but those of us who knew George as well as we did know that is how he always was - he had a severe case of sleep apnea. I was terrified when I would work graveyards that I would come home to find everything gone because he would fall asleep when smoking. Anyway, back to the story - - he told KayeLynn to get him up so he could drive to the gas station to get cigarettes. So, again, she got him up. She said she was terrified the entire drive home because he kept falling asleep behind the wheel and she would have to wake him up. Again, I called several times that day - and he was always asleep - so I never did talk to him. That was so unusual, because he usually called me several times a day when I was working - but this time he was always asleep.

I talked to Crystal when she got home from work around 11:00. She said she stuck her head in the bedroom, but he was snoring, so she left him alone and went to find KayeLynn. When I got home around 1:00 in the morning, they were listening to music, they were giggling and laughing. I hung out with them for several minutes before I decided to go change my clothes. I knew instantly when I got into the room what was happening - but still I kept calling out to him. "George, George, George", thinking he would wake up. But, I knew, I knew instantly. There must have been some kind of alarm in my voice, because the girls came running in. I looked at Crystal and told her to get KayeLynn out of the room and get me a phone. But, I knew instantly. I called 911 and they were on the way, his cat, who was outside when I got home, had jumped on the bed and kept nudging him - like he was trying to wake him up. We had to lock him in the bathroom, because he kept trying to wake him up. While on the phone with Valley Emergency, all I knew was that I wanted someone to know - I kept telling them to hook into the direct line with my work and let Pam know. I needed someone to know and they promised to call and tell Pam.

The paramedics came, the ambulance came, the sheriff's office came. They all knew instantly, too. George was gone - there was nothing to do for him - he was gone. I remember calling my sister's house over and over and over again, I needed my mom. KayeLynn was hysterical, Crystal was trying to calm her. My house was still a mess from all the Christmas stuff, presents still in the living room, tree was still up (for some reason that year, we got a real one and it was dried to the bone), dishes from dinner. All the sudden my house was filled, all the people I love had shown up to support me and the kids - My mom, all my sisters, Patti, Diane, Jen, Pam and George's nephew Chris. I had called Kara's house and her mom and stepdad got her up and brought her out, too. They all came to be there for me and the kids. They took the tree down, they did the dishes - they were there for us. It was the middle of the night and they were there for us.

The hardest part of this whole situation was having to tell my son. He had gone to spend the night at his friend Ian's house. He didn't know anything. They told me I should just wait until morning. Around six in the morning I couldn't wait any longer - I needed my baby boy to know and to be with us. We loaded into my sister's van and went to get him. I sat him down and told him that cold morning - I told him about his dad - and he went into that numb mode, like he's in a bad dream or something. He didn't really say anything, because to him, it wasn't real.

We've made it through these ten years, life goes on. We've all gone through our emotions concerning George; love, hate, anger, happiness, thoughtfulness - you go through them all. I know alot of you would wonder about the hate and anger, but, let me assure you - those emotions are there. Life goes on and life changes - it has to - it's just how things are. We know he's been there with us through some of the good and some of the bad - we've had marriages, babies, graduations, illnesses, surgeries; just the normal life going on. We love him. We miss him. Rest in peace, George, we're doing just fine.