Google, WebMD and Bing - - - OH MY!!!!

I look in the mirror and I see someone a bit overweight, a little chubby.  It's not nearly as horrible as I think.  I still can be a sexy, desirable woman.

I see a picture and I can't even imagine that that is me.  All I see is an old, fat, ugly woman.  What would Ted ever see in me - if this is what he really sees.  Case in point:

Me and Penny napping together.  How many
chins and rolls does Grandma have??

I don't know how many times in the life of this blog I have said, "I'm going to get control of my life", "I'm so going to lose weight",  "I'm going to get healthy" and "I'm going to exercise".  At this point, I say to myself - you're a liar, you're a fool, you're nothing but a fat lady that doesn't see the truth in the mirror.  

I was fine living in my fantasy land until about five days after December 30.  That was the day that I opened my email and had a notification of my blood test results from my doctor.  This is what it said:

The results of your recent tests are explained below:YOUR LIVER IS INFLAMED, WE NEED TO RECHECK THIS IN THE NEXT MONTH. LIMIT ALCOHOL AND TYLENOL FOR THIS PERIOD.

I'm a little freaked out, I don't mind saying.  That's where Google and WebMD come in to play.  If you google Inflamed liver, you get results of cirrhosis, liver cancer, hepatitis and all sorts of things.  I woke up in the middle of the night that night and started freaking out.  I was terrified.  I was sure I was dying.  I spent the next 48 hours looking to see all the different options - and none of them were good.  I made myself sick, more than once.  Well, that and my apparently sick liver that had apparently been causing me issues, illness and pain for about six months.  The last three times I was sick with flu type symptoms, always the same, apparently had something to do with my sick liver.  

First of all, I don't take Tylenol.  Second of all, I am not a heavy drinker.  However, two weeks before taking the test, I did imbibe at my Communications Manager Course with my classmates and I drank two different nights.  One night actually involved moonshine.  So, I decided that moonshine had taken over my liver and I was going to be fine.  I also tried to limit my intake of ibuprofen that I take for my crippled neck.  

Went back to the doctor for my followup to check my blood again.  He didn't seem too concerned about it, said that my numbers were not big enough to really cause too much concern, but that we needed to find out what the problem was.  "You know, a woman in your condition, it's probably a fatty liver, very common".  A woman in your condition is also known as fat.  Well, I knew that I was all better.  But, then this is what my next email said:

The results of your recent tests are explained below:YOUR LABS STILL SHOW LIVER INFLAMATION, WE NEED TO GET THE ULTRASOUND OF YOUR LIVER. 

Well, that just sucks. I literally decided I didn't want to find out.  I ignored the email.  I wasn't going to do it.  Why should I pay for this test??  One way or another the imagined tumor that had taken over my liver was going to kill me - so why should I do this??  They hunted me down and set it up for me.  Even after I told her I didn't want to know.

Today was the day. After dealing with some check in drama, I was on my back looking at my innards.  I got a little bit freaked out when a red and blue line streaked across it - not to worry, it's just your aorta ma'am.  The technician was very kind and said there was nothing too concerning, no tumor taking over my liver.  It is a bit fatty, ma'am, but you can reverse that.

Yeah - reversal.  Back to square one.  I'm going to get control of my life.  I'm so going to lose weight. I'm going to get healthy.  I'm going to exercise.  Yeah - it all sucks.