CoCo's Journey - Regrets

 I get asked at times if I "regret" making decisions I made as far as having gastric bypass.  First off, if you ask questions like this to people, DON'T!!!  Why on earth would you ask someone, who made a decision that was right for them at the time, if they regret it is a non-sensical question.  None of us know how a decision today will affect our tomorrow.  I'm sorry, but if you knew you were going to get into that nasty divorce, would you ever have married them in the first place?

The other question I get asked is, if you knew what was going to happen would you still have gastric bypass?  Again - you're asking for crystal ball revelations.  Nobody knows how a decision we make today will affect our tomorrow.  If you knew you were going to go flying off that cliff, would you have gone a different way??

First off - I didn't have gastric bypass to lose weight.  Was I excited to lose weight, yes.  But, it was also a very soul-searching time for me.  I LOVED FOOD!!!  I was supposed to be on a strict diet and I had food funerals right before my surgery.  I went to places to eat food that I wasn't sure I would ever be able to eat again.  A big greasy burger.  Prime Rib.  Crab legs. Italian food.   And I was so sad that I may never be able to eat them again.  But, my guiding decision for having gastric bypass was because I was being told I could not have knee surgery until I lost weight.  What most of you don't realize is I was practically crippled by knee pain.  I had a knee that was bent.  I could not straighten it out.   I couldn't walk without limping, mainly because I was walking on a bent knee.  And when I worked, I was on my feet - walking the airport.  I was in immense pain.  That pain radiated into my hips at time, to where I was not able to function.  My tunnel vision was to get to a point that I was in at least less pain and able to walk.  The only pathway I could see was the pathway I took.  Major surgery.  

I mourn food now.  I miss food now.  I have more food that I have issues with than I don't.   Doesn't mean I don't try.  I can remember the very best burger I had before my surgery.  It was actually at work, at the airport, at Squatters Brew Pub.  It was so juicy, it literally juiced down my arm.  It was so decadent and delicious.  I no longer like the taste of most fast-food French fries.  Depending on the day, pizza, pasta, potatoes, lettuce - all of them have given me issues.  And one day I may have an issue and one day I may not.  I mourn food.  I miss food.  

So, do I have regrets?  Who doesn't??  Do you not have regrets for decisions you made??  I mean, had I known and waited a year, I could have gone on Semi-glutide medications and given myself injections until I lost enough weight to get my knee replacement and back to my regularly scheduled programming.  But DAMN where is that crystal ball??

I'm currently off work again.  Hopefully for not much longer.  It's not enough to deal with liver issues, kidney issues and the like.  But, now we're trying to figure out what is wrong with my gut.  I'm looking at having an endoscopy in a few weeks.  I am dealing with increased fluid, increased gas which distends my stomach and makes me very uncomfortable, extreme weakness (which is my usual sign that something is wrong), nausea and vomiting (which can be embarrassing and disgusting).   My doctor says - I want you drinking a protein shake a day.  Well, that makes me gag at the idea.  BUT, I remembered I could get a Jamba and throw a scoop of soy protein powder in it.  Then I realized I had protein powder at my house and frozen smoothies.  I have noticed a remarkable difference just in the last few days since I started that every day.  Am I 100%.  Not yet, but a lot closer to it than I was.   I'm no longer in bed for hours and hours of the day.  I am up and moving a bit.  I have managed to get some housework done.  I dried some basil and oregano. I roasted some chilies.

   

I was given a few apples and canned some applesauce.  It was a bit of a struggle, but we managed to make it to the farmer's market on Sunday and I got some tomatoes.  Last night, I canned some salsa and it's SOOOOOOO GOOOOOD!!!!!

I had to go to the doctor today. 
Decided I should wear my 
Reaper shirt.

So regrets?  Yes.  What about you?  You have them??  But, don't ask me if I would change anything.  I made the decisions for my life that seemed appropriate for me at the time.  The decisions that were available at the time.  If you want to judge me - feel free.  But, that just says more about you than me.  I'm going to continue living the best life I have.  With the people I love.  

I still do not know my future or how long it may last.  But, I'm not giving up until the good lord and I decide it's time for me to do so.  So - if you've learned anything from me, learn that regrets don't help do anything but make you sad for decisions you have to make.  Don't second guess yourself.  It isn't going to change the circumstance.