It's been a weird few days. I don't know what set me off. But, I've been thinking about Ted a lot. Mostly, I've been thinking about the night he died. And everything that happened that night.
One of the girls I worked with lost her husband suddenly a couple of days ago. I'm not sure if that's what set me off - no, I'm pretty sure it is. So I've been going through old blog posts about our trips together. Looking at memories of our times together. We just had fun together and we just loved each other.
Anyway, I've been reliving the night he died. Thinking about it pretty consistently. And the things that happened are truly haunting me.
Like, how did he get where he was?? He and I had been sitting together and had literally just had an interaction. The interaction was, please sit back, you're blocking my view of the movie. And it was all done in hand gestures. But it was just so Ted. Completely and totally so Ted. Not even a few minutes later I noticed him laying face down on the floor at the end of the aisle in the movie theatre. How did he get there? Why didn't he let me know something was wrong?
When I noticed him, I ran to him, thinking he had tripped and fell. I ran to help him up. But I instantly knew something was wrong. So, I kind of faltered and went to run to get my phone to call for help. There were only like ten of us in the theatre. One guy yelled at me and asked if he was OK. I yelled back, "NO!". That's where the other haunting comes from. The people in that theatre went into action. They got him on his back. They started CPR. One person ran out and had the management team call 911. They rotated through doing CPR until help arrived. I sat on the stairs, in a full on catatonic state. The only other woman in the theatre wrapped herself around me, from behind, to give me comfort and held me.
Why am I haunted?? I have no idea who any of these people are. I could have passed them on the street, had a conversation with them, flipped them the bird for cutting me off and never know that they were one of the people who tried to save my husband's life. I will never know and that bothers me so very much. And breaks my heart that I never got to say thank you.
Neha, I love you and know that you are going to go through a very haunting time. I am so sorry about that. I think about you all the time since you lost your husband. My heart breaks for you.
Loved reading this. I think talking and telling stories is healing. Great job on your words.
ReplyDeleteLove you to the moon and back.
DeleteMay be less haunting if you think about “paying it forward”. Maybe you can’t thank them, but you certainly do kind things for people and family and you would help in a situation like that, right? So maybe they don’t need a specific thanks from you. They understand. They are just being good people. Good people are everywhere and I believe you are one!
ReplyDeleteThis truly brought mist to my eyes. Thank you. Wonderful perspective.
DeleteWe were in South Africa when he died. Sorry we could not be with you at the time! Love you!
ReplyDeleteYou were where you needed to be. I had lots of love around me. I just hate that I don't understand what happened that night. I love you and thank you for all the support you have given me.
DeleteCoco, thank you for sharing yourself & your story. You have no idea how much peace & healing you bring to others through sharing yourself. I love you so much my friend.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I love you so much. I appreciate all the support you give me. I appreciate you more than you probably know.
DeleteI had no idea. You are telling a story most may know but, I am hearing this for the first time. Blessing to you and your family! Appears you have been strong and are remembering the good times. God wants us to give it all to him and be that steady light! See you in 3 weeks!
ReplyDeleteNot sure I know who this is. But thank you for your words.
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